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Since the beginning of our civilization, people have experimented with flavors by combining different foods together—sometimes in weird, unexpected ways—to create a dish that people would love. While many people seem satisfied with the understood vistas of flavor society has unveiled for us, there are those among us who wish to draw back the curtain on the odder flavors in the world.
These brave adventurers usually find that there are some tastes that simply should not be. Realms of taste that should never be ventured upon. There exist such weird combinations of food that any rational, sane person would find sickening, but some people—some mad, crazy few—actually love them.
Mac and Cheese + Ketchup
I am going to be clear: I find this combination revolting. The very thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. The idea that ketchup can ever substitute tomato sauce makes me sick to my stomach. The moment I first heard of this combination, I felt the distinct urge to vomit so violently that my bowels would burst out from my mouth like some sock turned inside-out.
Yet this weird food combination seems popular among people for some reason that escapes me. I can only conclude that people who enjoy this have never had good tomato sauce, and, thus, don't know what they're missing.
Cheese + Peanut Butter
I admit, this one sort of surprised me.
Many people combine cheese and crackers, while others mix crackers with peanut butter. Why not cut out the middle man, and just combine cheese and PB?
Good news: it isn't horrendous.
Bad news: you don't really taste the cheese.
The most you get out of the cheese is the texture, but the peanut butter far outshines the taste of the cheese. Depending, of course, on the cheese you get. Most common cheeses have a milder taste, but, the more intense the flavor, the more the cheese will clash with the peanut butter. Verdict on this weird food combination: good with a mild cheese, but bad with a sharp one.
Pizza + Pineapple
This almost memetic combination has motivated people to throw up their hands and just ask "What the hell are you people thinking?" This bizarre combination of dishes - the lovely pizza with... the lovely...pineapple? Just makes no sense.
Yet lots of people love it. It remains so popular a dish that people regularly order it at pizzerias... and the pizzerias receive the orders enough that they are able to prepare it. I question their logic ordering this dish, but sure. Whatever. More power to you if you like it.
Cold Meatballs + Chocolate
This one right here? It's just wrong. It's not right.
Meatballs are not meant to be cold. They were never meant to be cold. They are meat. Ground meat. You do not serve ground meat cold.
But on top of that—chocolate? Chocolate is sweet. Meat is savory. The very combination of the two is enough to churn one's stomach. It is not merely bad. It is... unholy.
Chips + Nutella
Even Nutella can't save this.
This combination is grotesque. Greasy, salty chips clash viciously with chocolate's sweetness. Splinters of this fried garbage will be ensnared in your teeth as Nutella spreads across your tastebuds. It is just a gross combination of flavors.
Nutella makes a lot of things better. Can't save this mess.
Hot Dog + Jelly
After the ruination of ketchup, this substitution proved... well, hot dogs are just awful in general, so not good. But less awful.
Jelly offers an odd complement to the meaty hot dog. It's still unpleasant, but in a way that almost hides the greasy combination of ground-up butcher trash that goes into the hot dog. It is almost bearable.
Peanut Butter + Pickles
Peanut butter and jelly may appear like an odd combination to anyone who has never heard of it before. So I approached peanut butter and pickles with a rational, open mind.
Guess what? It sucks.
Jelly and peanut butter works because the flavors compliment each other. Here... well, they don't clash, but they are incredibly off-putting. The texture and sour flavor of the pickle really clashes with the dryness of the peanut butter. It is downright stomach churning.
But some people like it. Okay then.
Cereal + Water
In the hierarchy of grotesque things I've had to look up in the making of this article, this combo almost seems sane.
Granted, there are no flavors being combined. The only ill thing that will happen is your cereal will get soggy. And the water may taste like sugar water - in other words, fly food - but at least it won't churn your stomach like ketchup and anything else!
The only way you can make this worse is if you unload a whole container of ketchup into it. Why not? People have combined weirder foods together. Why not ruin ketchup a little more for me?
Butter + Sugar Sandwiches
If you want a heart-attack, then you'll love this! Take two very unhealthy things, and just mix them together. Butter is bad for you. Sugar is bad for you. Together, it creates a load of clashing tastes that is sure to give you diabetes if you dare attempt it more than once.
This is foul. Serving this to another human being should be regarded in the court of law as attempted murder, as the only result of this is a clogged artery or diseased organ.
Dark Chocolate + Ketchup
My God. What?
Dark chocolate is a naturally bitter thing to eat. You don't eat dark chocolate unless you really like bitter but sweet food.
So sure. Drown it in chocolate. Why not?
You ever hear about how when you put orange and blue together, or red and green, that the contrasting colors make each other stand out more? Time for the food equivalent. This will stun you, startle you, and may also leave you tasting way too much of the other thing to remain sane for very much longer.
Vanilla Ice Cream + Soy Sauce
Hey, I worry about you guys sometimes. Are you all alright? Like, why would you do this to yourself? Vanilla ice cream... and soy sauce?
The taste of vanilla is completely eclipsed by the soy sauce. I always interpretted soy sauce as something you put on warm, savory food... so the sweet combination is highly off-putting. Not to mention how cold it is? It somehow intensifies the taste of the soy sauce, thus making it harder to process.
Salt on ice cream is sometimes alright, but this ice cream is too salty.
Oreos + Orange Juice
I admit that I'm not a cookies and milk kinda guy, but I always assumed that the combination of the smooth, creamy taste with the sweetness of chocolate really blended well together, making that combination of food almost common.
But not acid fruit. Nobody said acid and cookies should ever go together.
This combination sounds like someone said, "Hey, OJ is fun to drink, so is milk... why not mix it with cookies?" But not just any cookie, but a cookie that possesses stark chocolate and stark vanilla flavors. An ordinary cookie might clash, but with oreos? The flavors clash on two fronts! It's like Germany's WWII fronts in terms of flavor. Things are going wrong on both sides, and just closing in to the ultimate conclusion that you made a bad decision.
Popcorn + Ketchup
It was at this point in my crusade that ketchup lost all appeal to me. The research into weird food combinations eliminated my love for ketchup. Ketchup on french fries? Nope. Ketchup on burgers? History.
Why, you may ask? I learned that people put ketchup on popcorn.
Now, popcorn, like french fries, is a salty treat. But french fries are a heartier treat. Greasier, sturdier. Basically baked potatoes, in essence. But popcorn is light. Fluffy. Mostly air. Good with a little butter—not a lot, but just enough.
You want to know what this tastes like? Pour a ketchup container on your mouth, and swish it around. That's the taste. That's all you're going to taste. You may as well brush your tongue with ketchup for all the good this will be.
Rice + Ketchup
I may have thrown up a little looking this one up.
Rice is one of the mildest tasting things in the world. In many ways, it absorbs the surrounding flavors. When done well, this can create a combination of flavors that leaves you happy and content.
When done wrong - when done like this - it will sicken you to your stomach, and make you want to puke. Hard. It also doesn't help that the sight of rice rising up from the sea of red ketchup almost reminds me of maggots rising up from rotting garbage.
Thank you, humanity, for ruining ketchup.