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The Pantry Wars

Inspired by Partially True Events

By Christopher GrenchikPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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There is a feud that few people know of. Between the clans of Rutaceae and Anthocarp. Within the clan of Rutaceae the Citrus sinensis family, the Orange family strongly dictate the feudal fights and are the forerunners of the fight. Whereas within the clan of Anthocarp, the Musa family, the Banana family, the proud, and astute leading name of the lower fruit shelves. However, there has been a feud between the two since the last time the pantry was restocked. The Oranges and the Bananas were once neighbors. However, because of their close proximity, the bruisers, and the ninjas would fight incessantly. The sheer number of Oranges forced the Bananas to a lower shelf, and thus claiming superior rule upon the pantry and its contents. The Banana family bruised, and beaten have taken the upper hand in the fighting; singling them out and peeling them one by one. Getting under their skin, and striking fear in their cores. Recently with the death of Lord Sheldon the Swift, the Bananas have been calling for all-out war. Rallying their clan and many food groups to their cause, likewise, the Oranges have called upon their allies for support. The battle for the Shelves has ended, the battle for the Pantry begins.

Upon the dawn of the next morning, the Oranges had taken the field of battle. The countertop overlooking the whole pantry. With them were the Lettuce, and their bombardiers. The Celery and their archers. The fearsome Broccoli and their shield bearers. The Jelly and their spearmen. Along with many other assorted fruits and vegetables. Lower down among the baking good stood the Banana Alliance. With their comrades in arms, the Grapes and their pikes of living fire. The Potatoes and their audacious brawlers. As well as the high shelves’ archers of the Dairy Products. The fight was set to begin. With a wild cry, the Alliance assailed the high stacks of ready-made meals amidst the relentless hails of arrows from the celery. With the dairy products providing cover the potatoes finally broke through the front lines of the broccoli's shield wall only to be cut down by the jelly spearmen. Bounding in to save them came Sheldon’s son, Benedict with his banana contingent. Crushing, and forcing the jelly to fall back as the lettuce bombardiers gave stayed the assault. Unbeknownst to the lord Origami of the Oranges, the grapes had outflanked them and were forcing them towards the oncoming Alliance hordes. Both the quarreling heirs clashed as they fought peel, against peel to the death. Blackened, and bruised Benedict fought on despite the onslaught of blows. As all hope was hanging in the balance neither side giving the other any leeway. Someone came into the pantry. A large giant with gruesome appendages came and grabbed both Benedict and Origami. Despite their cries of anguish, both of them were then tossed into the blender standing off to the side. Then one by one, the grapes were also thrown in. As the other produce tried to run the potatoes were grabbed and mutilated their skin being torn off them, and then mashed up. The dairy being consumed and poured into the large bowls and cups for who only knows what. As if that was not the most horrific part. Shortly after as the few remaining forces stood there shocked into silence. The gargantuan picked up a box, reached in, and pulled out another banana contingent, and placed them on their shelf where they rule. Then likewise pulled out a bowl of oranges, and placed on their respective shelf. To this day this phenomenon in the lives who lived to tell the tale is known as the Great Pantry War. To others who’ve heard tell of these events has decided on a much simpler term. In short, they call it “Restocking”.

Let the tale of the demise of Benedict and Origami not fall on deaf ears. Always be certain to separate the houses of Rutaceae and Anthocarp. For no matter the cause there will always be bruises on both sides.

satire
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About the Creator

Christopher Grenchik

I am 19, I graduated from high school last may to complete my four years or study. I am now currently enrolled at community college.

I enjoy writing when the muse is with me. I am also working on three different novels currently.

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