IHOP - IHOb Burger Review

If you say the name IHOP anywhere in the United States of America, everybody knows exactly what you are talking about. The International House of Pancakes. It’s an American breakfast classic that seems to always rise above its other 24 hour competitors like Denny’s and Waffle House. But in the past couple weeks, IHOP has been consistently talking of changing their name. This caused quite a stir in the hearts and minds of foodies all around the world.

It all started on June 5, 2018, when the company tweeted this out for the world to see, “For 60 pancakin’ years, we’ve been IHOP. Now, we’re flippin’ our name to IHOb. Find out what it could b on 6.11.18. #IHOb”

“IHOb?” Said every person ever. In my opinion, there would’ve been nothing wrong with changing the name to, “International House of Breakfast,” or some even thought the “B” may stand for bacon. But nobody expected them to become the International House of Burgers. Nobody. Not even a crystal ball could have shown us this dark future, but alas, I still took my monthly trip to the pancake Mecca the other day.

I went to IHOb on July 4, 2018, and I will admit that I’ve talked a lot of smack about the company since their bold decision. But I figured it wasn’t fair to judge them on a product I’ve never even had. “What if they found some secret recipe for the greatest burgers of all time?” I thought to myself. So I ordered a burger. I ordered The Classic with Bacon, and 10 minutes later it was sitting in front of me.

The first thing I noticed was the the bun was not warm. However, this did not discourage me. They are not called the International House of Buns. They are called the International House of Burgers, so I took my first bite.

The next thing I noticed was that the vegetables on the burger were very cold as if they were just taken out of the fridge. The cold veggies mixed with the hot burger caused an odd, unexpected, cringe-worthy feeling in my mouth. Immediately, I took off the vegetables and continued eating the burger.

The next bite was a breath of fresh air compared to the first one. The burger was juicy, and definitely was not bad. It was not greasy. It was the perfect thickness. But was it worth changing the name to the house of burgers? I don’t think so. It was barely above average.

So I finished the burger and when the waiter came back, of course I subtly brought up the name change and how I’m gonna miss calling it IHOP. The waiter informed me that... *drumroll please* He thinks the name change is just a promotion and they aren’t actually planning on changing it. This was a relief to me, but at the same time I felt deceived. I felt used. It was as if a woman said she was leaving you because she wasn’t getting enough attention, but really, she was never planning to leave. Not even for a minute. She just wanted your attention. And money. Like IHOP.

In conclusion, I don’t recommend going to IHOP for a burger. She doesn’t care about you. She just wants your money. Don’t be a part of the International House of Lies (IHOL). Go to your local IHOP and get some pancakes like a normal, civilized human being.

PS: The fries were good.