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Thank god for American junk food! I've landed 29 days ago on the American continent and, goshh, do I go crazy for all this ridiculous awesome food! I know, I know, today in our society junk food is almost as taboo as saying Voldermort in Harry Potter. I'm even part of that community, you know, the super annoying community that wants to take care of its body, eat better and healthier so as to stay fit and die much older. That community that pushes you to exercise at least once a week - "I promise, try walking for 30 minutes each day, you'll love it and won't be able to stop" - yes, that community! Or at least, I used to be part of it back in Europe and then I got to the U.S.
In Europe, even the junk food is fancy and pompous so that you don't really want to cut into it. It doesn't seem like you're doing something wrong, let alone evil. Not a second would you think you're committing the sin of gluttony. But here, it seems that every day I'm walking around Charlie's Chocolate Factory and dying to take a deep plunge into the chocolate river: "Please, Mister Wonka, let me take a bath in it and die of sugar overdose!"
When I arrive to a new country, my go-to move is either Tinder (relax! only to have a chat with the locals :D) or go to a supermarket. I love supermarkets, it tells you so much about the local culture and I come from a country where food is basically everything so believe me when I tell you I know my way around any supermarket!
So, there I was, going to the nearest supermarket just to get acquainted with some of the American culture. After overcoming the first chill when entering the over-air-conditionned store, my feet stopped and my eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing: so much space, so much food, so much choice, so many people helping you out and with a smile. So, service really isn't a myth on this continent?
I started walking around - hopping is actually more the word - picking up one item, looking at the packaging, reading the information, smelling it, putting it down, picking the next item up and so on. I didn't have to walk more than five meters (yes, I stick to European calculation techniques, it's only been a month, after all, but if I had to guess I would say around 15 ft), so only five meters into the store and I encounter this wonderful vision that is my personal #1 junk food: the Oreo Ice Cream Cake and yes folks, for all the non-Americans who are reading this and for the very few Americans who might not have tried it yet: it is as good as it sounds!
My #1 Junk Food: Oreo Ice Cream Cake
I leave the cake for now in the frozen section, I'm not yet done with going up and down the different aisles of the supermarket (don't worry I'll be back for it). I stumble into the breakfast area and again I'm blown away by all the diversity, I wish I could try it all (perhaps going to the supermarket on an empty stomach was a bad idea!). I turn my gaze to the left and discover what is now my morning routine and my #2 junk food: Pop Tarts! I grab the traditional strawberry type but imagine picking out any flavor from chocolate fudge to brown cinnamon sugar and pumpkin pie and that's just to name a few! Once home, you just have to put it into your toaster and POP, your tart is crispy, hot and ready :D
My #2 Junk Food: Pop Tarts
I put the Pop Tarts in my shopping cart and decide to hurry out, I could stay here for hours but I have a movie date (which is with my sister so don't get over-excited). I head out to the register, remember the Oreo ice cream cake, run to get it, hurry back to the line and as I'm about to pay, my eyes linger on my now #3 favorite junk food: the cheese and peanut butter sandwich on a cracker. I will give it to you, it sounds like it shouldn't mix but it really does!
My #3 Junk Food: Cheese and Peanut Butter Sandwich
Whew, I'm out of the supermarket. I'm done with junk food for the day. If only! Going to the movies is full of junk food opportunities! I'm trying to look away and not get tempted but everything smells of food and melted butter here. What is that incredible smell? Where is it coming from? I shake it off and decide to only get a diet soda but near the soda fountain lies what I think is the best human invention so far: the popcorn topping which basically consists of melted butter. That does it, I'm getting popcorn and trying out junk food #4.
My #4 Junk Food: Popcorn With Melted Butter Topping
I go and sit down next to my sister and start eating away at my buttery popcorn. I wonder if I should offer her any, they're sooo good that I don't really want to, but eventually I do. She nicely shakes her head showing me the plate she holds in her hands.
"Do you want any?" she says.
Oh oh! Welcome to junk food #5.
My #5 Junk Food: Mozzarella Sticks
Mozzarella sticks feel like a little piece of heaven in my mouth. F*ck it, I'm owning my inner-fat and letting her come out after all these years of starvation and frustration! Welcome back calories, sugar and carbs!! Oh how I've missed you!
The movie ends and I'm full and happy for the very first time in a long time. Who said grease wasn't a great therapist! Although, if I'm honest, I'm already thinking that the day is still young for me to go out and exercise: maybe some cross fit (which seems to be so popular here) or a couple of laps around the block. I'm trying to convert how many kilometers (or miles!) I should run in order to burn all the fat I ate, when we cross path with a very famous fast food chain. After what seemed to be very little convincing on my sister's side, we walk in and order junk food #6.
My #6 Junk Food: Chili Cheese Fries From Johnny Rockets
I mean, seriously, what could be better than French fries, tomato beef, onions and melted cheese?
I probably could go on for hours but you get the gist. Viva la American junk food!
xoxo ... Wait! Wait! Just one more, okay? Hello yummy yummy Smore's!
My #7 Junk Food: Smore's
Melted marshmallow and melted chocolate (it seems there's a pattern here^^). Sandwich that up with crackers and you're all set. Even without a camp fire it tastes like paradise.
I wonder if I can make one right now? If I could only find marshmallows or maybe I can go back to the supermarket, I'm sure it's still open at this hour. Oh jeez! I am out of control... I might need to change my ticket back to Europe to much, much sooner. Can I get type 2-Diabetes in less than a month?!