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Get Some Real Toppings on That Pizza, Son!

Besides, pepperoni is so fourth grade.

Photo courtesy of Cooking Light

I’m the kind of person who tries not to judge other people’s tastes. I realize that if I’m constantly critical of everything, then the world will be an even duller place than it already is. 

Still, it can pay to wear dreariness with a smile. Time to brush out that judge wig.

And while I'm at it, I'll talk about what’s quite possibly the poster child for food obsession—pizza. It boggles my mind how, despite the wide array of exotic ingredients you’d think would strike a foodie’s fancy, most people would still much rather munch on fake meat. Or, they’d rather have no toppings at all. If that’s the case, I’d be more than happy to make you grilled cheese with sauce on it. And then throw it at your face.

Why waste all that dough? Do people not comprehend that cheese is a prerequisite, as, without it, toppings wouldn’t be able to stay on in the first place? Now, I’ll admit, I’ve eaten my fair share of pepperoni and cheese pizzas in the past. But as I’ve grown older, my taste buds have acquired a better understanding of what food actually is, and I’ve started developing patience and an appreciation for the culinary arts.

How is it that people still exist? Do you self-proclaimed “connoisseurs” not eat greens, dairy, and meat (or alternatives), among other edible foods on a regular basis?  If you by chance do, and I pray to the chance gods that you do, then why are you so picky about what toppings go on your pizzas? Wouldn’t you want to try consuming at least some nutritional value in one slice?

Speaking of which, pepperoni doesn’t count. The name doesn’t even count. It’s just the name we gave it to make us classy "trashies" seem fancy. "Pepperoni" actually means pepper, or some variant of pepper in Italian. Pepperoni, as we know it, is a type of salami (specifically, a sausage) made of a processed pork and beef mixture highly spiced up and cured with sodium nitrate. That’s why pepperoni is always so greasy and orange.

First of all, let’s be honest with ourselves—it tastes like stale, salty non-meat. And that’s precisely what it is. It’s sausage that’s been stripped of its protein, vitamins, iron, and other nutrients and simply reduced to fat and sodium. Not to mention, sodium nitrate is cancerous when in contact with stomach acids. It baffles me as to how it’s even allowed to be a part of our food supply.

And then we wonder why cancer is such a huge epidemic. 

I’d say the biggest reason for this particular case is because we don’t read up on what we’re putting in our mouths, and thus allow industries to continue adding such chemicals to render foods aesthetically pleasing and long lasting.

Or, in the worst case scenario, people are too lazy or narrow-minded to try anything else. That first one especially is a killer—why would you be too lazy to eat in the first place? Food is a necessity, yes, but in this day and age there are people who obsess over it. 

Of course, I’m referring to the privileged. I’m not talking about people who can’t necessarily afford better quality produce and are doing their best to manage their finances. I’m also not talking about people with illnesses that prevent them from regulating their health.

And before you comment, no, I’m definitely not trying to get at heavier people. Everyone has varying body shapes, sizes and metabolisms, and while some may be where they are due to their individual lifestyles, other cases may be the result of genetics. 

I’m talking about the people who literally have all sorts of selections handed to them on a silver platter, and yet they still opt for curly, acidic cancer cells.

Allergies are not an excuse. You can still customize pizzas however you want, since you’re not allergic to everything in the world. For you vegans or people who just don’t like cheese in general, you have options like soy butter instead. 

You always have a choice. Don’t feel like you have to conform to artificiality because society tells you to. It’s a different story if you don’t mind eating pepperoni and cheese once in awhile. Otherwise, it’s time to think for yourselves and reevaluate your preferences.

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